What you need to know about dating a bisexual

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What you need to know about dating a bisexual
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Sexuality is complex and labels aren't always very helpful when it comes to describing who you're attracted to. For queer women, that seems especially true.

Whether or not someone identifies with the bisexual label, it can be a bit challenging when you're dating someone who is still figuring out their sexuality or who is very fluid in their sexual attractions.

Here's some tips to try and help you navigate the situation.

If fluid sexuality is problematic for you, then dating a bisexual woman is probably not the best move for you.

Imposing your point of view onto someone else is never sexy. If you're dating a woman who identifies as bisexual, you need to respect that and the fluidity that comes with that. If you can't respect that, then it's best for you both if you move on.

There's no hierarchy of sexuality or sexual experience. Trying to describe anything as "gold star" is gross. Just because someone has had different sexual encounters than you doesn't make them somehow less valid.

The past is a different country

All of us have sexual experiences and relationships in our past that have shaped who we have become today. Someone who identifies as bisexual is likely to have dated both men and women. Don't over-think it - be in the moment. Focus on the fact that she's choosing to date you right now - it's pretty much irrelevant who she's dated previously.

Comparisons aren't helpful

It doesn't matter who your partner has had sex with previously - it's never a great idea to compare your sexual connection to what they've had with anyone else. Communicate about the sex you have together and how you can maximise pleasure for each other - you're both drawing on your past experiences but what matters is exploring pleasure together as your relationship develops.

Is it just a phase?

There's nothing helpful about telling someone that what they're feeling is "just a phase". If someone identifies as bisexual or is interested in exploring some fluidity in their sexuality, that's their experience and their desires. You either need to respect and support that or get out of the way.

Educate yourself

If you're dating someone who identifies as bisexual, it's not their job to educate you on what that means. If there's something you don't understand about their experience, try and educate yourself without interrogating what they're telling you. It's okay to ask questions, but sexuality and sexual experience is a really personal thing - even if you're intentions are good, asking a lot of questions can feel like you don't believe what they're telling you. If this relationship is important to you, do the work and get yourself up-to-speed on the complexities of sexuality.

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